White Lies
by Azure K Mello
Summary: Lies can break people. Even people as strong as Sirius and James.


1Title: White Lies

Parts: 1/1

Writer: Azure K. Mello

Warnings: Not kid friendly, sex, sadness, and a happy-ish ending

Word count:1,189

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He really should hate the man more than he does. Their both on the couch and he has the bastard's cute little tike in his lap. And he wants to hate him. But he remembers the dick when he was all sweet, and snow kissed and saying, "C'mon, Sirius, let's go build snow trees!" Remembers being dragged out by a hand and a laugh. Remembers soft kisses exchanged in a igloo and soft praise of "You'll always be my best friend."

Those memories were from the unseasonably cold November of the year before. They made love in their igloo on conjured fur. And it had been amazing and as sweet and soft as a honey covered lamb. And later, inside, James left their bed saying, "I left something at the Order's Headquarters. I'll be back." When he came back, an hour later, he had said, "Lily Evans is pregnant. I'm sorry."

It had taken several moments for the meaning to sink into Sirius' sleep addled mind. Then he had asked softly, "When?"

"Tonight," had replied James sounding tired and sad.

Sirius had nodded and then said, "So we fucked in an igloo. And then you went out and knocked up Evans?"

"Yeah."

"Good job, baby. Well, I'm going to roll over and go back to sleep. And when I wake up in the morning I want all your stuff to be gone." James had nodded and Sirius had smiled sadly, "I love you, James." He had rolled onto his side and remained silent, with his eyes closed. He then pretended to be asleep until, hours later, he heard James leave.

And now, over a year later he was sitting with the baby in his arms, his godson, Harry. He plaes Harry in his little cot and says, "I'm sorry, James, I'm leaving."

"But, Sirius, it's Christmas Eve," protests the man.

"Yeah, but I can't be here. I'm glad all this worked out for you. Okay? I really am. But I can't deal with watching. It hurts." He stands to leave but is caught in a hug.

"Please, don't go. It's not Christmas without you, I need you here with —" James is saying as the door opens.

Lily sees the embrace and walks back out shutting the door behind her. "Does it upset you that your wife knows we used to fuck?" asks Sirius in a bitter tone before breaking away and Disapparating out of the room.

Lily walks back in and says, "I didn't mean to interrupt."

"He was leaving anyway. I hurt him too badly."

Lily was silent for a minute and then said, "Look, I've never liked either of you. But it hurts to watch you both hurt like this. Screw the orders. Go after him. Tell him the truth."

Like a flash he is away, Apparating after Sirius. He finds himself in the woods not far from the house and hears Sirius saying, "Couldn't think of anywhere else to go."

James reaches forward and touches his forehead for Sirius. Sirius falls in space and finds himself in a memory. James and Lily are sitting in front of Dumbledore and James is saying, "Okay, let me just make sure I'm getting it. Sirius and I are going to have a baby. But instead of one of us carrying it, you want me to sleep with my lover, come here, jizz in a cup, mix it with Sirius' come, you're then going to do some magic and Evans is going to carry our baby? And we've got to pose as a couple? And I'm not allowed to tell my lover any of this? And then Evans and I are going to be murdered, Sirius is going to be framed for the murder and spend twelve years in prison, and then act as the kid's Godfather? All because he needs to not having any living parents?"

"There's no need to be crass," said the older man sounding bored and sad.

"No, none at all. Because I'm not doing it."

"But, James-"

"No, Albus, I welcome the future, whatever it may hold. But won't manipulate him. We'll face this darkness together."

"All of Wizarding kind is in peril, if you don't do this, Voldemort will win. And then none of us shall survive."

There is a long silence and then James says, "Fine. But I need two days."

It flashes to a scene outside of the conference room and Lily is saying, "I'm trapped too, Potter."

"Yeah," he agrees. "You're going to go through childbirth for a kid that's not yours and die. I'm about to break-" he breathed in and continued, "he once told me that I was the only person who hadn't hurt him. We may be in the same boat, but our situations are not comparable. I'm sorry."

She nodded, "A truce? Because I don't think anyone will survive this is we're fighting."

"Truce," he agrees and Apparated home. There he set to work on the igloo. They make love that night in front of the fire. And the next day he pulls Sirius outside talking about snow trees and forcing a smile.

Sirius fall back into his own body and hears James saying, "I'm sorry," over and over. He pulls the man closer and hears him whisper, "I didn't want to deceive you. I never wanted to hurt you."

"It's okay now," Sirius assures him. "It's alright. Let's go back."

"I've never been with anyone but you. I wanted the igloo to be perfect. I wanted it to be something good to remember, to help us get through. I'm sorry."

Sirius pulled the man to him and kissed his old lover slowly. "No more apologies."

Back at the house Sirius starts to go through the cabinets and pulling out things for a potion. "What are you doing?" asks Lily seeing him.

"Evans- and I'm calling you Evans again because this isn't a real marriage, and I can't bare calling you Lily- I'm saving your life. Now set up every cauldron you have."

James smiles at his lover's antics and says, "Baby, what are you doing?"

"I'm brewing Polyjuice. Once it's done she can pose as me."

"Why?"

"She'll live."

"You'll die."

"Did you think you could show me that and I'd want to live? Not without you. And I can't pretend to be his godfather knowing the truth. Plus she's a better witch than I am wizard, she'll do better at protecting him. So start chopping stuff up. This takes twenty-one days to brew and we need a load if she'd to pose as me until the end of the war. She'll only need a small supply for Azkaban, not many visitors and the guard's are blind. But she'll need it daily until Voldemort's dead. And then she can either pretend to be his mother and comfort him or she can tell him the truth. Either way, she'll be alive."

James practically throws himself as Sirius and kisses him slowly. Lily's voice behind them says, "Uh-oh, Harry, you're dads are being gross, sadly, you'll be seeing a lot of that now."

Sirius laughs into James' mouth.


End file.
